Reclaiming My Rough Edges: Why I'm Done Trying to Be Palatable
I say on my home page (right now, at least!) that I want to get back to more of who I was before 2016. I wrote that a couple of weeks ago and had already forgotten what I was referencing. After sitting with it, I remember now.
A long time ago - 2011 - I built a website called My Mosaic Life. (Someone else owns that domain now and wants $650 for it. They must be smoking something extra special. 🙄)
But god, I loved that site.
It was mostly black and white with photos I'd taken via the Hipstamatic app - a specific filter and lens combo that I still reach for most of the time. Everything about it felt grungy and rough around the edges, but with pockets of light and enchantment woven through. Looking back at what the Wayback Machine has saved, I still feel that same delight.
Here's the thing though: somewhere between then and now, I started pulling myself in.
I tried to be less over-the-top with my emotions. Gentler in how I responded to others. Softer, more palatable. More grown-up (read - sophisticated). Less childish, less angry.
I spent years trying to smooth away the rough edges that made that old site feel true.
And now I'm looking back at those rough-around-the-edges photos, that grungy aesthetic, and some of the old newsletters that I’d sent and saved, and I’m thinking:
That was me. That felt right. Why did I spend so long trying to undo that?
Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe this, too, is part of The Great Reclaiming.
I’d like to think so.
